i've always tried..tried real hard to make it right but den, it always falls on the wrong side... they jus dont understand that they have to treasure me before i am gone.. they jus dont believe that one day i'd jus pack up and go... why is the host always made to be 2nd class citizens while the foreigners get all the royal treatment even better den the locals...why is it so unfair? i've only got 2 options, try harder or game over... i'll try and i'll try but one day i'd jus die... i cant go ono forever like that.. i give u some chocolates but i also want some back in return.... i want me...

i feel very weird..... is it jus me being nice or am i really being undermimed and stepped over my head? i felt that i could have learnt my lesson from the past...from the et, from the e-ram...everything i tot i knew how to do;what to do now seems so distant. what does it mean to really be in control? why cant i just get a stance and prove it?...why must things happen before people react? why cant anybody listen to me and let me finish before you all blow your top and be the incredible sulk (not hulk) this makes me feel like i'm very incompetent like i'm very useless...its the feeling i hate the most...i duno why but this blog seems like a grief airing place DAM!

ok enough said...as the saying in my toilet goes " i have learnt that love, not time heals all wounds"and " i have learnt that life is tough but i am tougher!"

tmr i will be running in the AHM! ahaha mayb after taht i'll pay a visit to the singapore flyer since i have not been on it before. Bring Xuan along and go into the clouds:) din really sleep yest nite cos i was kinda alert and kept thinking that there was a turnout duno why...the leg forces makes ur brain a little addled :P

hopefiully i can blog more and more since i have more time to use the computers at home now! :) so far i've been great save some occasions and instances where i felt so emotional and unhappy but yeah i'll get over it..i just learnt that waiting and wondering is the worst thing i'd ever do in my whole life... i waited and wondered at a place where everybody were in pairs ahaha and i was only with rayson lee from WC. felt so miserable and yeah but i'll get over it...suddenly the sky got alot more darker..must be my dark side playing a prank! : P ok i'll go check the singapore flyer now :)

its been a long day since my last log...last time i was a nameless one, now my position is even lower that my previous position...duno why decided to blog today... i feel kinda emo today since morning, my buddy noes it but i cant put my finger on it...its like i haven been emo for a v long time! haha ok 10 days of staying in the jungle was abit damaging to my brains! but i was ultra high today... cos i could finally meet my dearest in 10 days... i mean even when i saw her for jus 30 secs, i felt like my world was complete... so happy
going away has taught me many things...i felt that alota things i have to cherish, i have to take as a priviledge not an entitlement...i have burnt marks, bruises and thorns out of my flesh but its all worth it for all my loved ones, i keep them safe! :)
basically i cant realli sleep today so i decided to blog...watchin vids at the same time..actually i gott a reflect. its not that i'm fearless...i'm shit scared..... who wont be. i feel like i'm pratically gift wrapping the present and giving it away...but i wont wana be a dictator, but more of a director.but i feel common sense has to prevail somewhere in time that sometimes its just not right to be rightfully wrong.i'm timid and i'm scared and now i'm jus hiding in my shell...i'm a cheong swa king but so wad? the world dun care..i mus learn how to come out of my shell first before i can show who i really am! it will take a while i suppose but soon enough soon enough!
well i learnt that my bed is the most precious thing at night cos its queen sized and its shiok! tonight i will get to enjoy! tonight i will be shiok! jus sleep and dun mull too much.only time will tell....only we will last! :)